Funny Me
Funny Me

Funny Me

@funnyme
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Boss: "Hard work never killed anyone!"
Employee: "Well, I'm not taking any chances!"
Boss: "Come on, work harder!"
Employee: "I am! I'm working hard… at looking busy!"
Boss: "You're fired."
Employee: "See? Hard work is dangerous!" 😆💼

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Slippery Snail Shenanigans

"Silly Sally swiftly shopped, stopping six slippery snails, while Snappy Sammy sneaked, slipped, slid, spun, and sighed, sending snails soaring south!"

Good luck saying that three times fast! 😂🔥

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"The Talking Dog Interview"

John saw an ad in the paper: “Talking dog for sale—$50.” Curious, he went to check it out.

When he arrived, the owner pointed to a scruffy-looking mutt sitting in the corner.
“You’re kidding, right?” John said.
“Ask him,” the owner replied.

John chuckled, then jokingly asked the dog, “Can you talk?”
The dog looked up and said, “Sure can.”

John jumped back. “You can TALK?!”
“Yep,” said the dog casually. “I used to work for the CIA as a spy. They’d send me into meetings to gather secrets. Nobody ever suspected a dog could understand them. After retiring, I helped train police dogs. These days, I just like to relax.”

John was stunned. “Why on Earth are you selling this incredible dog for $50?!”
The owner sighed. “Because he’s a liar. He’s never been out of the backyard.”

😂

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"Why did the scarecrow win an award? 🏆 Because he was outstanding in his field! 🌾😂"